There is something compelling me to write at the moment. I haven’t quite figured out what it is, but I simply feel like there is a story inside of me that needs to be told. I certainly do not feel this way because I believe that my thoughts are particularly important or that people need to read them. More than anything, I feel as though going through the process of telling my story is just another part of the story itself.
I am currently sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Toronto. I have spent every afternoon here after school for the past week. I spend my time here staring at my computer and typing without paying much attention to the words appearing on the screen. I have my headphones in and the same playlist of songs playing on repeat. As I let the words hit me, I find myself alternating between holding back tears and resisting the urge to walk outside and sprint down the street as fast as I possibly can.
In describing this scene, I realize that my behaviour may sound irrational or that I may appear to be rambling about nothing at all. Normally this would bother me, but I am going to go ahead and say that this is all just part of the story.
Over the past few weeks, I have felt incredibly and completely overwhelmed. However, in some strange way, I have also never been more aware of the things that are important to me. I may not know exactly what this means, but at this particular moment, I am open to trying to figure it out. I am also open to feeling without question and maybe even losing myself for a little while in the process. Regardless of why I am feeling this way, I am very aware of the fact that I need to allow myself to fully explore and experience my emotions, even when they are frustrating, uncomfortable, or heartbreaking.
It is very easy to run away from how we are feeling, but there is something to be said about allowing yourself to be completely overwhelmed in any given moment. As much as this can hurt, it is also a reminder that we are human. It is easy to be angry and it is easy to be scared when the world seems to be moving backwards, but I believe that true strength can be found by acknowledging that sometimes we need to crash so that we can eventually learn how to land.
By allowing myself to completely feel the way that I am feeling right now, I am beginning to realize that I cannot control the world around me. However, I can choose to focus on the things that make me happy and bring meaning into my life. I can also do my best to remember that life truly is about people. This means appreciating those who make each day brighter for others and challenge those around them to be better than they were the day before. It also means challenging myself to do the same.
As I alluded to earlier, there is something cathartic about narrating my experiences and allowing my thoughts to mean something. I know that learning how to land is not an easy process, but all I can do is take the time to try.